Maybe Someday
by rosyle
Summary: “At that moment I wished that I could have been the one to take her pain away, but right now we're both not ready for that step. Maybe someday, but not right now. “ Oneshot – Booth POV


**Title:** Maybe Someday  
**Author:** rosyle  
**Pairing:** Booth/Brennan  
**Rating:** K+/ PG-13  
**Summary:** "At that moment I wished that I could have been the one to take her pain away, but right now we're both not ready for that step. Maybe someday, but not right now. " (Oneshot - Booth POV)  
**Spoilers:** Everything from the Pilot through The Headless Witch in the Woods. If you haven't seen the last episode yet, I wouldn't read this if I were you.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bones or the characters (even though I wish I did).  
**Notes:** This is my first venture into Bones Fanfic, so critiques/ reviews are welcome! Thanks to my beta for encouraging me to post this. You're like the the Zack to my Brennan, but female :P  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I do not love Bones.

We're partner. Friends. We wind up spending a lot of time together, before and after work, discussing cases and whatever else is on our mindsShe's the one person in the world that I know that I can tell anything and she won't judge me. For me, opening up to her about being a sniper was one of the hardest things I've ever done, maybe almost as hard as being a sniper itself.

Back then, we were just starting to trust each other. Trying to figure out exactly where we stood both professionally and personally, but there was something about that particular moment that made me _want_ to tell her about who I was. I wanted to share that part of me, the one I had tried to hide from so many others, who deep down inside, I know I still am. I didn't want to hide it from her anymore. Surprisingly, this woman who thrives on questions didn't ask any. She just listened and accepted me.

It's not like I've had to save her life on more than one occasion. Okay, maybe I have, but she's saved mine too, in more ways than one. But, hey, it's my job. When I told Cullen that I wanted to bring a squint out into the field with me, he told me that she would be my responsibility. In the beginning, I wouldn't even acknowledge that a she was my partner. Now, there isn't anyone else I'd rather have sitting in the passenger seat next to me. As much as I respect her and what she does, she can still be the biggest pain in the ass. Ever. She always knows just when to ask the wrong question at the wrong time and tries to poke her nose into _everything_no matter how dangerous it is. Angela once told me that it was because Bones craved adventure. The adventures, that until now, she experienced vicariously through the characters in her books. For the record, I still think that Agent Andy Lister is based on me, even though she'll never admit it, though the fact that she dedicated her book to me says something. Doesn't it?

Brennan is one of the most fascinating women I've ever met. Not only is she a brilliant forensic anthropologist but she's beautiful, both inside and out. The thing that blows my mind the most is that sometimes I think that she doesn't even realize how truly beautiful she is. I've been with A LOT of women. No, I know what you're thinking. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a manwhore. I am an adult. I have, as Bones like to say "biological urges". So what's wrong in partaking in some recreational activities with the opposite sex? Occasionally, I've thought of what it would be like to engage in those "activities" with Bones. But as soon as those thoughts happen I push them back down as far as possible. Way, way down. I've never been in a relationship like this. I've never been this close with a woman before. I've never had this kind of connection. Not with Tessa, not with Cam, not even with Rebecca and she's the mother of my child. Oh and by the way, don't tell Cam. I know that she thinks there's something more to my relationship with Bones than I let on, but I assure her there's not, because there really isn't, right? We're just partners and friends. Yeah. Just friends.

I still have no idea why I didn't tell Bones about my relationship with Cam, if you can call it that. Maybe I was worried that she would feel like I betrayed her...or something. Sleeping with your best friend's boss, a boss with whom said friend has had issues with since the beginning, might not be the best idea. I would have told her eventually. Really, I would have. I just wish that I had told her before she found out for herself. When it comes to relationships in the workplace, I can be discreet. Cam, on the other hand, not so much. I'm pretty sure that Hodgins knows and I swear that Angela is psychic. Somehow, she just seems to know stuff. When Brennan called me on it, I could tell that she was hurt, even though she tried to hide it. I was always the one telling her that she needed to open herself up and share things with me more often, but here I was, keeping this from her. Maybe I was afraid that our bickering would stop or that we wouldn't feel as comfortable just being "us" if I was with someone else. There I go trying to psychoanalyze myself again. Bones hates psychology. At this moment, I can see why.

She has her quirks. Her lack of pop culture knowledge used to annoy me to all ends, but now it's endearing. I have to admit though, over the past year she's really started to break out of her shell a bit. Hell, a lot of the time she even "knows what that means" now. I know Angela has a lot to do with it, but I like to think that I've influenced her in some way as well. I know that knowing her has made me a better person, and I will always be grateful for that. As much as she's all anti-religion, she sure has no problems asking me about mine and comparing things, such as zombies and The Grave Digger, to God which, by the way, was totally out of line. I know that she's just curious, since she's had very little reason to have faith in anything, but the way she goes about getting answers irks me to no end sometimes. I did bring her to church once, after I had almost lost her. I think it was in that moment that I realized how blessed I truly am, not only for having her in my life, but for also having the squints. Each and every one of them, even Zack. Even after all the crap I gave them in the beginning, when push comes to shove they're always there to back me up. I used to envy the way they worked so well with each other and the inside jokes they had. In the FBI things run much differently. You never know who to trust. But now I realize that I am one of them. They allowed me into their inner circle and for that, I'm blessed.

Her parents' disappearance essentially shaped who she became, but also caused her to be as distant toward people as she was. It was really hard for her to trust anyone, so that day she came into Wong Foo's and asked me to look into her parents' case made me realize just how far we'd come with each other. She asked _me_ for help. Brennan never asks anyone for help. When we found out a few months later that her mother was dead, her father was on the run, and that her whole childhood had pretty much been a lie, I thought she was going to break. But not Bones. She was as headstrong and professional as ever. One good thing came out of it. She got her brother back. I know that means more to her than she'll let on though. We still don't know everything, but slowly I'm helping her uncover the truth. Hopefully, one day we will.

I'll never tell her this, but she really does have the worst luck when it comes to men. The guy, Pete, whom she dumped before she went to Guatemala, was a total ass. Or at least that's what she told me. Then there was Michael, her old professor. I never really liked him. He used the trust she had in him and betrayed her. He played her and played on her weaknesses and used them to try to win the court case. Granted, I made her talk about her parents and how that effected the path she chose for herself in life, but I wasn't doing it out of spite. I was doing it because the jury needed to see what I saw. A passionate woman who cares more about those victims than anyone realizes. Then there was David. On their first date, I interrogated him—literally. What was I supposed to think? She meets this guy online, then it just so happens that someone opens fire on her outside the restaurant they were supposed to meet at for dinner? Looking back now we laugh, but at the time she was pissed at me. What she didn't realize was that I was just trying to protect her. I mean, how much can you really get to know someone online? David turned out not to be such a bad guy in the end, but for some reason their relationship ended right around the time we found her mother. I always just assumed that it was too much for him to handle, but never asked Bones. Then there was Jessie. Like Brennan, he lost his parents at a young age. He was the type of person that she wanted to be, but unfortunately he was a little too extreme for her. She tried to form a connection, but that fizzled out before it even started. She really hadn't dated anyone for a while since him. I guess opening herself up and getting hurt had started to take its toll.

Out of all those men, I think Will has had the greatest effect. We were investigating the death of his brother, Graham. Brennan discovered that like her, Will's parents died when he was young and he was responsible for raising his brother. He appeared to be a great guy, nice and normal, but I guess appearance can be deceiving. As the case came to a head, we discovered that he was responsible for Graham's death. Going to that restaurant to arrest Will, while he was there with Brennan, killed me. I could see how happy she was, and I hated that I was going to be the one to destroy that. I don't think I'll ever forget the pain I saw in her eyes when she asked me what I was waiting for, just before she got up and walked away. It just seems that every time she tries to reach out and connect with someone, she winds up getting hurt. This time, she almost rebuffed comfort from me. I'm still not sure if it was because her trust in men was shattered or it had something to do with Cam, but after a while she willingly accepted the "man hug" that I offered her. In retrospect, I think the hug was more for me than it was for her. I needed to hold her in my arms. I needed to hold her close and let her know that she was going to be okay. That we were going to be okay. That no matter what, I was always going to be there, and whatever else was going on in our lives would never change that.

At that moment I wished that I could be the one to take her pain away, but right now we're both not ready for that step. Maybe someday, but not right now. They say that there is one single moment when you just know. Trust me, we'll know when it happens. And when that moment comes I'm going full speed ahead.

I do not love Bones, or at least that's what I have to keep telling myself until that moment arrives.


End file.
